The Bizarre World of Florida

Man wanted an enema, got jail instead April 16, 2015

A 35-year-old man was arrested after police say he refused to leave a hospital where he was denied an enema.

JOSEPH_WILLIAMSPolice about 10:05 p.m. went to the hospital after a report of a person who wouldn’t leave the emergency room.Fort Pierce police dumped the man, Joseph Williams, in the St. Lucie County jail following the April 5 incident at Lawnwood Regional Medical Center & Heart Institute in Fort Pierce, according to records.

Police found Williams lying on the ground outside.

“His nurse explained that he came into the ER requesting an enema,” an affidavit states.

In general, an enema is the introduction of a liquid, such as water, into the rectum to facilitate the evacuation of stool. Typically, enemas are used in treating cases of significant constipation.

An abundance of famous quotes involving the word enema could not be found, though in Tim Burton’s 1989 “Batman” movie, the Joker character as played by Jack Nicholson said, “Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema.”

Enema features prominently in the name of the 1999 Blink-182 album, “Enema of the State,” though there is no song of the same name on the album.

Meanwhile, doctors evaluated Williams and discharged him, determining he didn’t need an enema. He was told to leave but refused.

Police arrested Williams, of Fort Pierce, on outstanding warrants related to failing to appear in court.


Naked man yelled he was a god, had sex with tree

A Florida man believed to be high on flakka, a drug that authorities say is sweeping the state, attacked a Brevard police officer after twice being shocked with a Taser while repeatedly saying he was God, according to officials.

weirdKenneth Crowder, 41, of Melbourne, was arrested Friday on charges of battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting with violence and assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer.

According to a Melbourne police report, Crowder was spotted by witnesses running naked through a Melbourne neighborhood, yelling that he was a god before committing a sexual act on a tree.

A Melbourne police officer went to the area and confronted Crowder, who was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt, officials said.

Crowder walked toward the officer in an aggressive manner and identified himself as God, according to police.

The officer used a Taser on Crowder, but he pulled the probes out of his body and continued to fight, police said.  Crowder was shocked a second time, but he again pulled out the probes and went at the officer with clenched fists, according to police.

The officer punched Crowder in the face and a scrum ensued, with Crowder saying that he was Thor and trying to stab the officer with the officer’s badge, police said.

Other officers arrived and helped subdue Crowder, who was handcuffed and shackled, police said.

Flakka is the a variation of synthetic substances known as bath salts and delivers a cheap, powerful high while acting as an amphetamine, according to officials.  The drug can be snorted, smoked or taken by mouth and can cause violent behavior, officials said.

“We have spoken to some medical professionals here and they are starting to see an increase in its use (in Brevard County),” Melbourne police spokesman Dan Lynch said.  “It’s already in South Florida, and we think it’s coming here.”

Crowder, whose mugshot shows him with a black eye, was booked into the Brevard County Jail Complex. He later posted bond and was released.

In 2011, federal authorities banned a number of the chemicals used in bath salts. The active ingredient in flakka, however, has not yet been banned, authorities said.


Man sharpened machete after being refused work

CallImageJoseph Lyle Matthews, 43, of Pinellas Park, walked up the street to a neighbor’s house April 5 and asked for work, according to an arrest report. The neighbor refused, sheriff’s deputies wrote, so Matthews began sharpening a machete in the man’s front yard. The incident took place on 107th Avenue about 11:23 a.m.

According to the arrest report, Matthews stabbed the machete into the ground, pointed it at the man and shouted, “If you don’t want me to work, then I’ll fix you.”

He faces charges including aggravated assault and possession of drugs without a prescription. According to a separate arrest report, Matthews later threatened to kill a deputy while en route to the jail.

Christopher W. Poulos, alias “Chris” or “Dale Jones,” was canvassing the neighborhood for “opportunities” when he stumbled upon the lawn mower he stole, according to an arrest report.

Poulos, 40, of St. Petersburg, entered a yard in the 5500 block of 31st Street N and took a push mower from beneath a canoe, deputies wrote. He admitted to the offense, according to the report.

He faces a charge of burglary of an unoccupied structure.


Homeless man finds forgotten bank account

John Helinski was once homeless, sleeping on a cardboard box by a bus stop.
“I just managed on my own,” said John Helinski.
John Helinski_1429163696883_16851649_ver1.0_640_480For three years in downtown Tampa, he said he was invisible.
“Sleeping underneath the benches there and no one would see me,” Helinski said.
Now Helinski’s got a locker, a bed and a dedicated case worker at a new 24/7, one-stop-shop housing center for homeless in Hillsborough County off 50th Street.
But wait, his story gets way better than that — way, way better.
“He needed to have an identification, but we couldn’t get an identification without a birth certificate,” said DACCO Case Manager Charles Inman. “There was no other option to succeed. You know, the thought of putting a 62-year-old man back on the street wasn’t acceptable.”
Inman wasn’t going to give up and Tampa Police Officer Dan McDonald isn’t the quitting kind either.
“I enjoy it because I like a challenge,” said Officer McDonald.
They got Helinski, who was born in Poland but is an American citizen, a driver’s license, a Social Security card and his name back.
“We first had to figure out that we needed a consular record of foreign birth or something like that,” said Officer McDonald.
But wait, it gets even better.
At a Tampa bank branch, Helinski discovered an old, forgotten bank account.
“At that time, it was Landmark Bank. Then it became Bank of America,” he said.
The bank account has money in it. His Social Security benefits had been piling up for years, enough for Helinski to buy permanent housing.
“I guess I’m exhilarated, excited, you know,” he said.
“I think we were both stunned. We weren’t quite sure what to say,” said Officer McDonald.
How much better could it get?

Man accused of stealing tire rims — at gunpoint April 13, 2015

A 24-year-old Hastings man was arrested on a warrant Wednesday inside a Bunnell courtroom on charges stemming from a firearm incident last November in St. Johns County.

tireWilbert James Evins Jr. was first arrested Nov. 26, 2014, by the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office on a charge of dealing in stolen property. The arrest came after someone called law enforcement saying he was following a vehicle along Rymfire Drive in Palm Coast that contained stolen tire rims, according to an arrest report.

The accuser said the suspect driving the vehicle had recently stolen the rims from him at gunpoint. He contacted the suspect using the Internet after he discovered the suspect was trying to sell the rims online, deputies said.

When the accuser met with Evins, the latter fled in his Dodge Magnum. The accuser followed the suspect while contacting the Sheriff’s Office.

After deputies pulled over Evins’ Dodge that night at the corner of Red Mill and Reidsville drives, they observed the tire rims inside the vehicle and arrested Evins and his passenger, Kiarious Smith, 24, on charges of dealing in stolen property, according to the report.

On Wednesday, while he was in Circuit Judge J. David Walsh’s courtroom at the Kim C. Hammond Justice Center to answer the latest charges, an outstanding warrant from St. Johns County also was served on Evins, deputies said, charging him with aggravated assault, illegal discharge of a firearm and tampering.

Evins was being held Thursday at the Flagler County Detention Facility. Bail for his combined charges was set at $220,000.


Woman can’t get pot out of her vagina

What to do when you can’t get all the marijuana out of your private parts?

King_Reisha_mugA detective stopped the Ford after spotting it travel from the far left lane of Interstate 95 to the Southwest Becker Road off ramp without a blinker, an affidavit states. The vehicle also turned “at the last possible moment.”That’s what may have crossed the mind of a 27-year-old woman after a Port St. Lucie police detective on April 1 pulled over a Ford Focus driven by the woman’s boyfriend.

The driver, John Chapman, 28, said he lacked a valid license. Police smelled pot, and Chapman handed over a bag of marijuana.

John_ChapmanChapman also said a pot pipe was in the center console; “roaches” were in his tackle box; and marijuana bags were in his girlfriend, 27-year-old Reisha King.

“King also stated she believes she still has one baggie still in her ‘vagina’ which she was unable to remove,” the affidavit states.A female detective came to the scene, and King plucked three bags of ganja from her vagina.

A methodology for possible pot extraction was not listed.

King and Chapman, both of Kentucky, were arrested each on a misdemeanor possession of marijuana charge, while Chapman also was arrested on a possession of drug paraphernalia charge.


Naked Man High On “Flakka” Ran Through Traffic To Escape Imaginary Killers

matthewkenneyA Florida man who stripped off his clothes and ran through Fort Lauderdale traffic to escape imaginary killers hot on his heels was high on “flakka,” the synthetic drug that appears poised to supplant bath salts as the leading cause of hallucinatory havoc, cops report.

Following his apprehension, Matthew Kenney, 34, told police that after smoking the synthetic drug he began fleeing pursuers who had stolen his clothing and were intent on murdering him. Seen at right, Kenney explained that he would “rather die than be caught by these unknown people,” according to a Fort Lauderdale Police Department report.

Officers found Kenney–who was naked except for a pair of sneakers–running in traffic along Broward Boulevard early Saturday evening. Kenney explained that, “if I got hit by a car they would stop chasing me.”

Kenney, who was hospitalized for a psychiatric evaluation, has been arrested three times since December, according to Broward County court records. His recent rap sheet includes collars for disorderly conduct, assault, narcotics possession, and resisting arrest.

“Flakka,” which can be smoked, snorted, or injected, is an amphetamine that can sell for as little as five dollars per hit. But the high can come with side effects that include aggression, psychosis, and delirium.

The street drug has triggered a series of bizarre incidents in Florida, which appears to be the tip of the “flakka” spear. In Fort Lauderdale alone this year, a man high on the drug was arrested after trying to break down the door of the city’s police headquarters, while a second user impaled himself last month on a fence surrounding the headquarters.

Flakka, Florida, Bath Salts, Fort Lauderdale



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