There are dangers associated with having a glass crack pipe in your rectum when getting locked up.
Albert Walker apparently avoided one of them — a felony charge related to bringing an illegal item into jail — when he fessed up Aug. 28 to having the smoking device stashed in his bum.
Walker’s case was one of a trifecta of ejecta-related incidents in Martin and Indian River counties in recent days, according to records.
WALKER ABOVE LEFT; MERRILL ABOVE RIGHT
Stuart police learned of the pipe in Walker’s posterior when an officer arrested the 69-year-old man on a Volusia County warrant.
The officer told Walker that bringing anything illegal into the jail would constitute a separate felony charge. Walker said he had a “stem” in his rectum, and extracted the suspected glass crack pipe.
Rectums are not typically used to store smoking devices — particularly glass ones.
Walker, of the 2200 block of Southeast Newcastle Terrace in Port St. Lucie, was arrested on a misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia charge.
Another incident with a rectum/ordure angle happened Aug. 30 as a Martin County Sheriff’s sergeant reported spotting John Edward McIntyre, 53, pooping near an apparent abandoned business on Northeast Jensen Beach Boulevard.
“I observed fresh fecal matter on the walk-way leading to the front door,” an affidavit states. “Due to the placement of the fecal matter on the walk-way, it appeared that the defendant did not use any concealment to the public, and the several motorists that passed by on Jensen Beach Blvd to defecate.”