The Bizarre World of Florida

Can you handle this memo in Fort Pierce? September 23, 2014

A woman in Fort Pierce said she was walking when Marquita Williams asked whether she got the memo.

“What memo?” the woman replied.

“The one that says I’m going to hit you in your (poop),” Williams is quoted as saying.

MARQUITA_WILLIAMS_mug2-150x150After the exchange about the memo, the victim told Williams she wouldn’t fight a pregnant person.That’s how the woman, identified as the victim, said the Aug. 25 confrontation with Williams began, according to a recently released arrest affidavit. The victim told Fort Pierce police that Williams, 27, is mad because the victim tried to date her child’s father about four years ago.

“I don’t give a (expletive) about being pregnant, I will still beat your (buttocks),” Williams is quoted as saying.

The victim said she kept walking. She said she went to her aunt’s home, and told her aunt that Williams is trying to fight.

Williams walked past the aunt’s home. She eventually dropped her purse, putting her hands in a “fighting position.”

Two other people – a mother and a daughter — came out, and Williams told them, “I will hit you in your (poop), pregnant and all.”

It wasn’t immediately clear how striking a person’s “(poop)” could injure that person.

Williams allegedly threatened to hit the victim “in her (poop),” and the daughter suggested that Williams wait until Williams gives birth.

Williams told the daughter to “shut the (expletive) up,” and, “I will hit you in the (poop), too.”

“Williams stated on her dead mother’s head, wherever she sees (the daughter or the victim) she will beat their (buttocks),” an affidavit states.

Williams told police everyone was lying.

“She stated that she told (the victim) when I drop my baby we’re going to have to fight,” the affidavit states.

Williams said the issue was between her and the victim, and that everyone should mind their business.

Williams, of the 1700 block of North 44th Street in Fort Pierce, was arrested on a misdemeanor assault charge.


Food fighting man wants FBI, not lawyer

A cheese flap at the jail lead to criminal charges and a request to speak with the FBI, according to recently released arrest affidavits.

Dowling_Adam_mug-219x300Jerald Rogers, a 36-year-old inmate at the St. Lucie County jail, told sheriff’s investigators Sept. 9 that fellow inmate Adam Dowling, 31, asked him if he wanted a piece of cheese.

Lucie County jail, told sheriff’s investigators Sept. 9 that fellow inmate Adam Dowling, 31, asked him if he wanted a piece of cheese.

Rogers said he did want the cheese, but didn’t want Dowling to touch it.

This evidently cheesed off Dowling because Rogers said Dowling threw the cheese on Rogers’ tray.

Rogers_Jerald_mug-232x300“Rogers then picked up the cheese and threw it back on Dowling’s tray and tried to grab another piece,” an affidavit states.

Rogers said Dowling tossed his food tray on Rogers, who slapped Dowling in the face.

Meanwhile, Dowling said “he plea(d)s the fifth until he can talk, not (to) a lawyer but to the FBI.”

It’s unclear whether the FBI investigates cheese throwing incidents.

Dowling then said Rogers swiped his food. Dowling also said he threw the cheese, the variety of which was not specified, at Rogers.

Dowling finally said he threw a tray of food at Rogers after Rogers kept yelling at him.

Rogers, who has prior battery convictions, was arrested on two felony charges, while Dowling was arrested on a single felony charge and a single misdemeanor charge.


You can’t live in the public bathroom

Filed under: Amazing,Bad Luck,Bizzarre,Sad Story,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:39 pm

A 34-year-old man was arrested in Fort Pierce after reports that a dude was living in the men’s room, according to a recently released affidavit.

williams_joseph_lee_mug-189x300Fort Pierce police on Sept. 16 went to Fisherman’s Wharf and spotted a man walking out of the women’s restroom.

Asked why he was using the ladies lavatory, the man explained “that a Haitian male has been locking the male bathroom door and has been living in it,” the affidavit states.

Meanwhile, the officer in Fort Pierce knocked on the door of the men’s room and Williams came out.

Police the day before noticed him loitering around outside the potty.

Williams, of the 700 block of Citrus Avenue in Fort Pierce, was arrested on a trespassing after warning charge.

The affidavit did not state whether Williams was smoking in the boy’s room.


Hot-blooded: Woman smeared red paint on herself, called 911

A Flagler County woman is accused of threatening her boyfriend with a knife and then putting fake blood on herself to get him arrested, according to investigators.

sfl-flduh-assaulted-fake-blood-20140922-001Deputies said Emily Johne, 24, held a knife to the victim’s cheek and threatened to stab him in his sleep at the home on Brunswick Lane in Palm Coast Thursday.

Johne called 911 and said the victim was drunk and had beaten her, but when deputies arrived they determined the victim had not been drinking or hurt Johne.

Deputies said Johne had smeared red paint on her ear and chest and told them it was blood. She was not injured.

Investigators said Johne became violent after her boyfriend confronted her about naked pictures she had sent to another man and said she was “incapable of love.”


This dude obviously had an ax to grind with a money machine

Filed under: Amazing,Bizzarre,Dumb,Florida Nut,Fraud,Funny,Really Dumb,Robbers,Unusual,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:31 pm

A local man is accused of mangling an ATM machine with a hatchet in Volusia County, according to the South Daytona Police Department.


Police said Phillip Moore, 30, was captured on surveillance video smashing and ripping open the ATM machine at the SunTrust Bank on South Ridgewood Avenue just before 2 a.m. Sunday.

No injuries were reported and no money was stolen out of the ATM, but there was over $1,000 worth of damages to the machine.

Moore was identified by investigators and arrested just after 12 a.m. Monday. He is charged with one count of burglary with a structure or dwelling, and one count of criminal mischief with damage to property.


Goldilocks bandit swiped curtains September 22, 2014

Filed under: Bizzarre,Dumb,Fraud,Robbers,Silly,Stupid,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:56 pm

A 33-year-old man is charged with breaking into an empty house, spending the weekend there and then taking the curtains.

jailCrestview Police were called after Bryan Lee Brown went into an unoccupied residence and stayed between Aug. 29 and Aug. 31, according to the arrest reports. He then allegedly took the curtains from the windows.

Brown told officers that he’d stayed in the home on Aug. 29 and 30, leaving on Aug. 31, the report said. She said he left some property at the house on Aug. 31, because he couldn’t get a ride.

He told officers that “sometimes my head is not right and think places are mine when they are not,” according to the report. He said he understood he should not have stayed there and that it was not his house.

He said sometimes he “just gets tired of being without anything” and “does what he has to do,” the report said. Several pieces of property with Brown’s name were found in the unoccupied house.

Officers noted a window that had been opened and a screen had been “forced from the window” and damaged, according to the report. The curtains could not be located.

Brown is charged with burglary of an unoccupied dwelling with intent to commit a crime within, petit theft and damage to property less than $300.


Man hurled chair at granny during feud over dirty shoes

A Deltona man who didn’t like his grandmother telling him to take off his shoes hit the woman with a kitchen chair, Volusia County deputies said.

sfl-flduh-chair-granny-dirty-shoes-20140919-001And when investigating deputies asked Justin Penner’s father, Mark Penner, what happened during the incident Thursday about 2:20 p.m., the dad said, “All he did was hit her with the chair,” deputies wrote in their report. The victim is Mark Penner’s mother.

Penner, 29, was charged with aggravated battery on a person 65 year of age or older. Penner is being held with no bail allowed in the Volusia County Branch Jail, records show.

Jean Penner, 77, flagged down deputies while in a parking lot on Saxon Boulevard and reported she had been battered in her Normandy Boulevard home, sheriff’s reports state.

Jean Penner said she lives in constant fear of her grandson who lives with her, investigators said.

The elderly woman reported she told Justin Penner not to walk in the residence with his shoes on because he was tracking in dirt. Justin Penner got upset and threw a kitchen chair at her, striking her in the left leg, deputies said.

After hurting his grandmother, Justin Penner left the home with his father but was arrested when he returned home, deputies said.



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