floridaduh

The Bizarre World of Florida

Dirty dancing, farm-style: Man danced on tractor with genitals exposed August 8, 2014

Filed under: Alcohol,Bizzarre,Controversy,Dumb,Florida Nut,Nudity,Sexual Exposure,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:25 pm

What’s wrong with dancing on a tractor?

Nothing, but problems may arise if you do so while simultaneously driving the tractor on a public street as you are way over the legal limit for booze with your genitals exposed.

sfl-flduh-dancing-tractor-genitals-20140807-001An Indian River County Sheriff’s investigator went to the 1100 block of 58th Avenue where another investigator said Velez-Morales was driving an International 354 tractor south. Velez-Morales was “dancing” in the seat, and had difficulty driving the farm implement.That’s pretty much what Elias Velez-Morales, 24, stands accused of during a July 24 incident that happened about 1:40 a.m. in Vero Beach, according to a recently released arrest affidavit.

Velez-Morales said he’d had three beers, and “appeared to be so intoxicated he was unable to give (his) name and address,” the affidavit states.

His genitals were exposed and he’d urinated on his clothes and himself.

The affidavit did not indicate whether Velez-Morales was performing a specific style of dance, such as ballroom or tap.

Velez-Morales said he’s never had a license.

After performing field sobriety exercises, Velez-Morales, whose address is unknown, was arrested on charges including DUI and no driver’s license.

A breath test measured his blood alcohol content at 0.249 and 0.240. The legal limit is 0.08.

 

No cowboy but man accused of exposing himself, playing lasso August 3, 2014

A dude in a polka-dot shirt and orange shorts may be tough to miss.

Perhaps even more so if he’s “exposing himself and giving people the finger.”

sfl-flduh-exposed-penis-swinging-20140731-001A woman identified as the victim flagged down a deputy, who saw a man walking away who matched the description of the suspect. The deputy detained the man, identified as 34-year-old David Gouldner, and spoke to the victim.Such a sight was reported the afternoon of July 18 to the Martin County Sheriff’s Office by a passerby in the 2100 block of Northeast Dixie Highway in Jensen Beach, according to a recently released arrest affidavit.

She said she was pulling into a parking lot when the man pulled down his pants and grabbed his penis.

“He began wiggling it in a circular manner then let go and started swinging it around,” an affidavit states. The affidavit didn’t state whether the “circular manner” was clockwise or counterclockwise.

The victim yelled at the man and he started to approach her. She said she backed away and saw the deputy drive by and began waving her arms.

A deputy tried to talk with Gouldner, but he wanted to fight.

Gouldner, of the 2000 block of Southwest Mockingbird Lane in Palm City, was arrested on an exposure of sexual organs charge.

Gouldner’s aliases and nicknames include “Ruby Red,” “Super Pimp” and “Carret Top,” a sheriff’s spokeswoman stated.

Gouldner passed out in the back seat of the deputy’s patrol car.

 

Geesh … hope she was at least wearing some sunscreen July 30, 2014

Filed under: Bizzarre,Controversy,Drunk,Funny,Nudity,Sexual Exposure,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:34 pm

sfl-flduh-exposed-coverup-20140729-001A woman was arrested in Cocoa Beach on Friday after exposing herself to beachgoers, according to police.

An officer said he caught Megan Fowler, 26, exposing herself near Flagler Lane.

The officer said he found Fowler walking south on the beach near the water with her breasts exposed and her jean shorts falling enough below her waist to expose her privates.

The officer asked the Melbourne woman to put clothes on, but she began to yell, saying she didn’t have clothes and she wouldn’t put them on if she did.

1111-lrms-01-o+megan-fowler+lowrider-girls-modelPolice said Fowler was slurring her words and almost falling down while walking to the patrol car. Fowler said she had three shots of vodka, according to police.

The officer tried to cover her with a blanket, but Fowler refused to be covered, police said.

Fowler was arrested and booked on charges of disorderly intoxication and exposure of sexual organs.

 

Brief encounters: Men in undies strip in eatery, steal meat July 24, 2014

Filed under: Bizzarre,Dumb,Florida Nut,Fraud,Funny,Nudity,Really Dumb,Robbers,Silly,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:43 pm

1Southwest Florida Crime Stoppers is asking for the public’s help identifying a group of men who broke into a local beachside restaurant in their underwear and took off with the makings for an early morning cookout. According to detectives, the men, all wearing nothing but their underwear, broke into Doc’s Beach House, located at 27908 Hickory Blvd., Bonita Springs, around 3 a.m. on Sunday, July 20. After roaming around the kitchen area, deputies say the men selected a case of 2amburgers and red bell peppers. However before leaving, the suspects were caught on video removing their underwear and walking around the kitchen nude. It appears the men fled on foot, beachside, headed towards the Collier County line, where the red peppers were found along the beach a few hours later.

Anyone with information on the identities and whereabouts of the 3suspects is asked to call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-780-TIPS (8477). All callers will remain anonymous and will be eligible for a cash reward of up to $1,000. Tips may also be made online at www.swflcrimestoppers.org or by texting a tip to CRIMES (274637) Keyword: REWARD. 

 

77 year-old man attacked by …. a naked man July 23, 2014

sfl-flduh-naked-man-attacked-20140722-001Collier County deputies say an elderly Naples resident was attacked and wrestled to the ground by a naked man Monday night.

The incident unfolded when the 77-year-old victim went to check on a disturbance he heard outside his apartment on Palm Street.

The victim said he heard loud thumping and banging next door, so he yelled: “Can I help you?” He told deputies that’s when the chaos began.

Almost immediately after stepping outside, the victim said a naked man punched him in the face and wrestled him to the ground without warning. The victim was able to run away and call deputies.

When deputies responded, they say the man was still naked and several liquour bottles were scattered through the apartment. Deputies say he was asked to put on clothes, but refused to do so. Deputies say the suspect cursed at them — at one point saying, “Stupid [expletive]! Don’t know why I’m here!”

The suspect — identified as 28-year-old Andrew Restrepo — appeared to be under the influence, deputies say.

Deputies continued to question the suspect, who they say became even more belligerent. Restrepo was then placed under arrest and taken to the Naples Jail Center.

According to the arrest report, the suspect is the boyfriend of the tenant who lives at the residence next to the victim.

 

From paradise to the pokey: Couple charged with having sex on the beach

A man and a woman were arrested on charges of having sex in public on Cortez Beach on Sunday night, according to the Bradenton Beach Police Department.

sfl-flduh-sex-beach-cortez-20140722-001A witness called police and said she saw Elissa Alvarez, 20, and Jose Caballero, 39, fondling each other and eventually having sex on a sheet next to her at 8:36 p.m. Sunday in the 500 block of Gulf Drive on Cortez Beach, according to a report.

Six other people filled out complaints in connection to the incident, and the original witness told police she was especially upset because her 4-year-old daughter had witnessed the couple’s activities, according to the report.

One witness filmed the two on a camera phone as evidence for police, who took the two into custody and charged them both with lewd and lascivious exhibition, according to police records.

Both were taken to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office jail and are currently out on $7,500 bond each.

Caballero has multiple charges on his record stemming from past drug use.

 

 

Husband leaves his naked wife on sandbar because ‘she caught him in a sex act with another man’ July 17, 2014

A Florida wife was rescued from a remote sandbar wearing nothing but a lifejacket on Sunday after her husband dumped her there following a blazing drunken row on their jet ski.

article-2695135-1FB06B3300000578-739_306x423The violent argument was sparked by Pamela Doster, 45, accusing her husband of two-years, David Doster, 49, of engaging in a sex act with another man.

Pulled from the Passage Key sands – a famous offshore nudist beach popular with swingers – by boat, Pamela Doster’s testimony led to the arrest of her husband for domestic battery.

According to the Manatee County Sheriff’s report, Doster and his wife Pamela were on a Sea-Doo jet ski near to the Passage Key sandbar when they began fighting.

According to the report, Pamela told her husband that she had seen him and another man performing oral sex on one another.

The report does not specify when and where this occurred, but the arresting officer said that Pamela claimed it involved the men ‘giving each other a blow job’.

The report seen by Smoking Gun states that Doster, who was riding the Sea-Doo, threw his wife off the jet ski four times and ‘During the last time she was pulled off she hit her head against the side of the jet ski.

She refused to get back on the ski with him and stayed on the sandbar which rests under knee deep water.

Her husband tried to get her back on the jet ski but she flat out refused and eventually Mike Doster rode away, leaving her there.

When he reached shore he did call 911 and informed rescue services she was out at sea and when they pulled her back in, emergency workers noticed she had a ‘bruise/bump’ on her head, a bruise on her biceps, and a ‘large swollen area to her left hip area.’

She was transported to a local hospital for treatment.

The beach at Passage Key plays host to many nude swimmers in the warm waters of the Gulf all through the year.

It is not known if Mike Doster was piloting the jet ski in the nude at the time of the altercation.

He was released from a Florida jail on Tuesday after posting $5000 bond on a misdemeanor count.

 

 
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