floridaduh

The Bizarre World of Florida

Police Release Photo Of Victim Humped, Defiled By Notorious Walmart Masturbator October 20, 2014

Florida cops have released an image of the glassy-eyed victim of the notorious Walmart masturbator.

stuffedhorsewalmart

As seen in the above evidence photo, the brown, tan, and red stuffed horse was allegedly used Tuesday by Sean Johnson, 19, as he pleasured himself inside the store in Brooksville.

After splattering the “stuffed horse’s chest area” with ejaculate, Johnson placed it “on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set).” The toy, price tag in place, was later placed on Walmart’s floor, where it was photographed by a cop.

Read the original story here.

 

 

Man swiped toilet parts from fast food restaurants

Filed under: Bizzarre,Dumb,Florida Nut,Interesting,Really Dumb,Robbers,Weird,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:06 pm

Police have arrested a man they say destroyed toilets in fast-food restaurants across the city as part of a metal recycling scheme.

sfl-flduh-toilet-parts-fast-food-20141017-001Brian Rinda, 28, allegedly stole flushing handles and pipes, then traded the brass parts for between $36 and $40 at the county recycling center. Sometimes he would cause as much as $1,000 in damage when he broke the toilets, according to St. Petersburg police reports.

Authorities suspect Rinda in thefts from numerous locations in St. Petersburg, including Wendy’s, McDonald’s, Burger King, Publix, Subway, Cracker Barrel and Bob Evans restaurants and Albert Whitted Park.

Detectives used records from the recycling center and surveillance video from the restaurants to identify Rinda, police said. He faces nine counts of theft.

 

DUI suspect can’t take a hint, gets into car anyway October 17, 2014

Filed under: Drunk,Florida Nut,Really Dumb,WTF?,Dumb,Alcohol,Stupid,OK Then ..... — floridaduh @ 1:12 pm

Police say a drunken Gainesville woman did not get the hint on Wednesday night from an officer who told her she was in no condition to drive.

sfl-flduh-drunk-drove-warned-20141016-001Instead of heeding the suggestion from the Gainesville police officer, she piled into her car and was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, according to a Gainesville Police Department report.

A concerned citizen at the TGI Friday’s at 3598 SW Archer Road called GPD sometime before 3 a.m. to report a woman, later identified as Kelley Cunningham, who appeared too drunk to drive. An officer arrived and found the 51-year-old Cunningham struggling to stand outside of her car. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she had the smell of alcohol on her breath, an officer wrote in the report.

The officer told Cunningham she could not drive and should find another way home, and that he would park his patrol car near her vehicle to make sure she did not take off anyway.

Moments later, Cunningham — while staring at the patrol car — got in her own vehicle and tried to drive away, the report stated.

The officer performed a traffic stop and later found “multiple” open containers of vodka inside Cunningham’s car. She allegedly told officers she also consumed two drinks at the restaurant.

Cunningham failed the field sobriety tests performed by the officer, and she refused to provide a breath sample, according to the report. A subsequent investigation revealed her license already had been revoked from a DUI in 2010.

The officer also reported that he asked Cunningham if she was too drunk to drive.

“She stated, ‘Of course,’” the report stated.

 

Undie-clad neighbor took a pee on woman’s porch

Filed under: Amazing,Disgusting,Dumb,Florida Nut,Funny,OK Then .....,Sick,Unusual,Weird,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:10 pm

A man clad only in underwear scared his neighbor when he banged on her door, according to a Flagler County sheriff’s report.

sfl-flduh-neighbor-undies-piddled-20141016-001John Joseph Rossi, 57, is also accused of attempting to push the door open at the neighbor’s home Wednesday, relieving himself around the front porch, and then getting into her sports utility vehicle, the report states. He was still inside the SUV when deputies arrived.

The neighbor said she was awakened by her dog barking and then someone knocking at the door about 7 a.m. Wednesday.

“The knocks became harder and more urgent,” according to the report.

She looked through the door’s peep hole but did not recognize Rossi.

“While (the woman) was on the phone with 9-1-1, the man was trying to push in the front door while wiggling the door handle,” the report states. “(The resident) was scared for her children’s (6 and 8 years old) life, so she put the children in the master bedroom.”

When she returned, Rossi was urinating and then he walked away, according to the report.

Deputies arrived and found Rossi in the SUV “in the driver’s seat.”

“I opened the driver’s door and saw Rossi was only wearing his underwear,” the investigating deputy reported. “I also observed that there were items on the driver’s floor.”

Rossi was asked if the SUV belonged to him and he said “nothing was his.”

Rossi was charged with two counts of burglary and indecent exposure. He was booked into the Flagler County Detention Facility where he was being held Thursday on $10,500 bail.

 

Meet market? Man accused of stuffing sausage down his pants October 16, 2014

Filed under: Bizzarre,Dumb,Florida Nut,Fraud,Really Dumb,Robbers,WTF? — floridaduh @ 4:07 pm

A 42-year-old Fort Walton Beach man is accused of hiding a pack of sausages in his pants.

sfl-flduh-stuffing-sausage-pants-20141015-001Fort Walton Beach Police officers were called for the theft on Oct. 7, according to the arrest report. Two managers at Publix Supermarket reported seeing James Michael Patterson take a pack of sausages from the shelf, walk to another aisle and “shove the package down his pants.”

Patterson had previously been trespassed from Publix on Oct. 3, the report said. One of the managers recognized him and called police before the theft for the trespassing.

The managers said that after Patterson concealed the sausages, he continued walking through the store, according to the report. When officers located Patterson, he was carrying a case of soda.

He was detained and officers located the sausages package in his pants, the report said. Patterson said “he was just hungry and wanted food.”

He is charged with shoplifting and trespassing.

 

Walmart + Stuffed Horse + Ejaculate = Florida, of course October 15, 2014

Police in Brooksville have arrested a man for allegedly masturbating using a stuffed animal inside Walmart.

5174999_GPolice say 19-year-old Sean Johnson of Lake Panasoffkee has been charged with indecent exposure in public and criminal mischief for the act.

Officers responded to the Walmart on Broad Street just before 3 p.m. Tuesday for the complaint. Employees say they saw Johnson using a stuffed horse toy and go to the bedding department where he masturbated into the animal. The incident was caught on camera.

He then put the toy, now covered in ejaculate, back on the shelf, police say. Other items were contaminated and could not be sold.

Johnson fled the store but was located by police nearby. He was arrested and taken to the Hernando County Jail on $1,500 bond.

 

Potty mouth? Man attacked neighbor who allowed him to use toilet

A man who let his locked-out neighbor use his bathroom was repaid by being threatened and attacked with a crowbar, according to a sheriff’s report.

sfl-flduh-neighbor-use-toilet-20141014-001Norman Newkirk was badly in need of a bathroom about 7 p.m. Friday, but found he had locked himself out of his Jungle Road apartment. The 50-year-old went to his neighbor who agreed to let Newkirk use his bathroom.

It is not clear what sparked what came next. Neighbor Howard Williams told Volusia County sheriff’s investigators that shortly after he allowed Newkirk to use the toilet, he heard Newkirk yelling from the bathroom that he would “smear (expletive)” all over Williams, the report states.

Newkirk came out into the living room, got into Williams’ face and punched him in the nose, deputies said. Newkirk then grabbed a crowbar and threatened to hit Williams. As Williams, 59, tried to grab a wooden club to defend himself, Newkirk struck him in the back with the crowbar, deputies said.

Williams, who could not be reached Monday, then hit Newkirk in the head several times with the wooden club, a report states.

A drunken Newkirk said he was upset that he had locked himself out of his apartment, the report said.

Along with the 12 stitches Newkirk needed to have his head patched, he was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and battery.

After being cleared from Bert Fish Medical Center, Newkirk was carted off to the Volusia County Branch Jail sporting a bandage on his head. He was being held Monday on $5,500 bail.

 

 
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