The Bizarre World of Florida

Drunken 500-pound man couldn’t fit into patrol car October 22, 2014

Filed under: Alcohol,Amazing,Bizzarre,Controversy,Drunk,Florida Nut,Funny,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:14 pm

A 911 dispatcher calmly gathered details from the Deltona woman who claimed she was just attacked by her 500-pound boyfriend — a belligerent man deputies later said was simply too big to fit into a patrol car.

os-howard-hendrix-20141021“He is drunk and he is just acting crazy,” the woman said before the dispatcher asked for a description of Howard Hendrix’s clothing.

“Right now, he’s not wearing anything,” the woman said Sunday from house she rents on Jutland Street on Sunday.

“He’s nude?” the dispatcher asked.


Hendrix, 45, of Apopka was in the bathroom, freshly showered and naked, when a deputy arrived.

He agreed to the officer’s request to put his clothes on.

But then Hendrix began throwing his weight around — again, a report says.

Deputies cuffed him but Hendrix resisted, refusing to walk out the house and falling to the ground, forcing a deputy to drag him out of the house. He also kicked a deputy, a report says.

“Hendrix was to large to put in a patrol vehicle,” a deputy wrote in a report.

A prisoner transport van was called in and used to take Hendrix to the Volusia County Branch Jail in Daytona Beach, said Gary Davidson, a spokesman for the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.

Hendrix is accused of attacking the 42-year-old woman, including poking her in the chest, slapping her in the face and shoulder and spitting in her face.

He also punched a hole in a wall and destroyed a chair, she said in her 911 call.

Hendrix was charged with simple battery (dating violence), criminal mischief, battery on a law enforcement officer, and resisting arrest without violence.


DUI suspect can’t take a hint, gets into car anyway October 17, 2014

Filed under: Alcohol,Drunk,Dumb,Florida Nut,OK Then .....,Really Dumb,Stupid,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:12 pm

Police say a drunken Gainesville woman did not get the hint on Wednesday night from an officer who told her she was in no condition to drive.

sfl-flduh-drunk-drove-warned-20141016-001Instead of heeding the suggestion from the Gainesville police officer, she piled into her car and was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, according to a Gainesville Police Department report.

A concerned citizen at the TGI Friday’s at 3598 SW Archer Road called GPD sometime before 3 a.m. to report a woman, later identified as Kelley Cunningham, who appeared too drunk to drive. An officer arrived and found the 51-year-old Cunningham struggling to stand outside of her car. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she had the smell of alcohol on her breath, an officer wrote in the report.

The officer told Cunningham she could not drive and should find another way home, and that he would park his patrol car near her vehicle to make sure she did not take off anyway.

Moments later, Cunningham — while staring at the patrol car — got in her own vehicle and tried to drive away, the report stated.

The officer performed a traffic stop and later found “multiple” open containers of vodka inside Cunningham’s car. She allegedly told officers she also consumed two drinks at the restaurant.

Cunningham failed the field sobriety tests performed by the officer, and she refused to provide a breath sample, according to the report. A subsequent investigation revealed her license already had been revoked from a DUI in 2010.

The officer also reported that he asked Cunningham if she was too drunk to drive.

“She stated, ‘Of course,’” the report stated.


Potty mouth? Man attacked neighbor who allowed him to use toilet October 15, 2014

A man who let his locked-out neighbor use his bathroom was repaid by being threatened and attacked with a crowbar, according to a sheriff’s report.

sfl-flduh-neighbor-use-toilet-20141014-001Norman Newkirk was badly in need of a bathroom about 7 p.m. Friday, but found he had locked himself out of his Jungle Road apartment. The 50-year-old went to his neighbor who agreed to let Newkirk use his bathroom.

It is not clear what sparked what came next. Neighbor Howard Williams told Volusia County sheriff’s investigators that shortly after he allowed Newkirk to use the toilet, he heard Newkirk yelling from the bathroom that he would “smear (expletive)” all over Williams, the report states.

Newkirk came out into the living room, got into Williams’ face and punched him in the nose, deputies said. Newkirk then grabbed a crowbar and threatened to hit Williams. As Williams, 59, tried to grab a wooden club to defend himself, Newkirk struck him in the back with the crowbar, deputies said.

Williams, who could not be reached Monday, then hit Newkirk in the head several times with the wooden club, a report states.

A drunken Newkirk said he was upset that he had locked himself out of his apartment, the report said.

Along with the 12 stitches Newkirk needed to have his head patched, he was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and battery.

After being cleared from Bert Fish Medical Center, Newkirk was carted off to the Volusia County Branch Jail sporting a bandage on his head. He was being held Monday on $5,500 bail.


Have you ever been locked outside while naked?

Don’t you hate it when you lock yourself out of your apartment when you’re drunk?

And naked.

And the police show up.

sfl-flduh-looked-outside-naked-20141014-001Fort Pierce police about 7:25 a.m. Sept. 13 went to Carlton Court and Seaway Drive for a disturbance in which “a naked female was running around the area yelling and screaming, and this had been going on for an hour,” the affidavit states.That appears to be what happened to Carrie Starling, 27, in Fort Pierce, according to a recently released arrest affidavit.

Residents pointed to an address in the 1100 block of Carlton Court, saying a naked lady was nearby breaking things and yelling.

Investigators encountered Starling in her birthday suit, apparently intoxicated.

Starling’s speech was slurred and she said she’d been drinking.

She said she locked herself out of her apartment, and police found “smashed pots where she had caused a disturbance.”

After finding that Starling’s apartment was locked, police took her to the St. Lucie County jail where she was locked up on a disorderly intoxication charge.


Man repeatedly called 911 for taxi October 5, 2014

Filed under: Alcohol,Amazing,Bizzarre,Drunk,Dumb,Florida Nut,Fraud,Really Dumb,Stupid,WTF? — floridaduh @ 3:37 pm

When in need of a taxi, the best number to dial probably is not 911.

But that, according to a recently released arrest affidavit, is what Jonathan Ray, 34, stands accused of.

sfl-flduh-911-taxi-20141001-001Vero Beach police initially encountered Ray about 4:20 a.m. at a Chevron gas station in the 2600 block of U.S. 1. He reported “some guys” tried to rob him two hours earlier.Ray’s 911 call for a taxi happened Aug. 30 in Vero Beach, and it wasn’t his first call to the emergency number that day.

“Upon talking with Mr. Ray it was determined that Mr. Ray was intoxicated, not robbed, and was simply trying to get a ride home to Sebastian,” an affidavit states.

Ray placed a second 911 call, saying he was “messed up” and needed a number for a taxi cab. Ray hung up on dispatchers after being told to call 411.

Ray called 911 a third time and said the Chevron gas station owner threatened to beat him up.

Officers arrived and discovered the Chevron owner wasn’t there, and they couldn’t find anyone else.

Ray was told all taxi companies in Vero Beach were closed, but would open in the morning.

He spoke with other companies, but they wouldn’t come to his location.

Ray was told he was misusing 911 and to call 411.

As officers left, Ray called 911 a fourth time inquiring about taxi service.

He was arrested on a misuse of 911 charge.


Woman charged with 4th DUI flashed ‘bare buttocks’

Filed under: Abuse,Bizzarre,Controversy,Disgusting,Disrespectful,Drunk,DUI,Funny,Stupid,WTF? — floridaduh @ 3:35 pm

A birthday celebration turned sour for a North Lauderdale couple when both were accused of DUI after a road-rage incident in Coral Springs, police said.

sfl-flduh-4th-dui-bare-buttocks-20141002-001Records show it was the fourth DUI arrest for Michele Ann Rivera, 49, and the first for Stancel Ganus Kinsley, 68, who were returning home from Kinsley’s birthday outing at 1:13 p.m. Sunday.

Another motorist called 911 and told police Rivera was driving a 1999 silver Toyota 4Runner all over the southbound lanes in the 1200 block of North University Drive, according to the arrest report.

The witness told police Rivera stopped in the middle of traffic, got out of the driver’s seat, walked to the car behind her vehicle and yelled at that driver for following too closely. Rivera went back to her SUV but got in the passenger side after Kinsley went around the vehicle and got into the driver’s seat, the report stated.

When police arrived they noticed both Rivera and Kinsley had a strong odor of alcohol, watery, bloodshot eyes and slurred speech. Officers also found an open bottle of Smirnoff vodka in Rivera’s purse, police said.

After repeated police requests, Rivera agreed to take a roadside sobriety test but had trouble getting out of the SUV and walking around it, the report stated.

She was unable to complete several sobriety exercises and kept asking if she was under arrest. When Rivera was put in the back seat of a patrol car she noticed Kinsley was being arrested too. Rivera spontaneously blurted out, “He wasn’t driving, I was,” the report stated.
When Rivera and Kinsley were taken to the police station Rivera became loud and abusive. She lifted her skirt and flashed her bare buttocks at an officer saying, “This is the best you’ll ever have,” the arrest report stated.

She refused to take a breath-alcohol test but when asked if she had been drinking, Rivera said, “Obviously,” and admitted to having a few vodkas with cranberry juice since 8 a.m, police said.

Kinsley admitted to drinking since 10 a.m. at a restaurant. He failed several roadside sobriety tests and said, “I’m done, take me.” His breath-alcohol test was over the legal limit, police said.

He claimed several times to be the driver of the 4Runner, but later admitted Rivera was driving and that they had switched places just before police arrived, the report stated.

Rivera has a revoked license and a record that includes convictions for DUI in 1997, 2003 and 2010; leaving the scene of a crash and refusing to take a breath-alcohol test, according to the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles.

Rivera is jailed on $66,000 bond. Kinsey was released on a $500 bond, court records showed.


DUI suspect allowed son to ride in bed of pickup, troopers say September 30, 2014

A woman who Highway Patrol troopers said exhibited reckless driving that caused her 8-year-old son to be injured in the bed of the pickup she was driving was arrested.

sfl-flduh-dui-bed-pickup-20140926-001Troopers said 37-year-old Wendy Lynn Cauchi was charged Thursday with being impaired and refusing to take a breath test.

When Trooper James D. Whitmore arrived in the 7000 block of Southwest 80th Street, Ocala, a Marion County sheriff’s deputy told him that witnesses said Cauchi had been drinking all day.

The witnesses told troopers the boy was in the bed of a 2006 Toyota 4Runner and was injured because his mother was driving around the yard unsafely.

Troopers said the vehicle crashed into a fence. After impact, the boy was flung forward and his forehead struck the bottom floor of the truck bed. He was taken to Munroe Regional Medical Center for treatment. He is expected to recover from his injuries.

The Department of Children and Families was notified and agency representatives went to the hospital.

Whitmore said he went to Cauchi and detected a strong odor of alcohol on her breath. He described her speech as slurred and thick-tongued. Cauchi declined to talk to the trooper, telling him that she wanted her lawyer. Her lip was bruised from hitting the steering wheel. She was not wearing a seat belt, authorities said.

The trooper arrested Cauchi, who complained to officials, wondering how she could be taken into custody for driving on her own property. She told authorities she was just looking for her horse.

The trooper said Cauchi had troubled standing and walking to his cruiser.

Cauchi was charged with DUI, DUI with property damage, DUI with serious bodily injury to another and refusal to submit to a DUI test after her license was suspended or revoked.

She was taken to the Marion County Jail, where she refused to submit to a breath test. The trooper said it was Cauchi’s second DUI test refusal.

She again told the trooper that she wanted her attorney.



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