The Bizarre World of Florida

Cancelled: Redneck Christmas Parade is too “trashy,” organizers say September 26, 2014

Filed under: Bad Luck,Bizzarre,Controversy,Dumb,Funny,Really Dumb,Silly,Stupid,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:41 pm

e26dd_usa-shooting-fort-hood-300x160 parade-float redneck (1) redneck sfl-flduh-redneck-christmas-parade-20140925-001

Say it ain’t so: another tradition bites the dust in the Sunshine State.

Guess they’re dreaming of a more pristine, white Christmas.

Organizers have put the kibosh on their Redneck Christmas Parade, a Panhandle holiday tradition for nearly 20-years in Chumuckla, reports The Lakeland Ledger.

There were John Deeres, beer, cussing, beer, camouflage, beer — and one parade-goer remembers a float with a man atop a Port-a-potty — and more beer, according to The Ledger.


Pig-nappers in the pink after swiping piglet from high school?

Filed under: Bizzarre,Dumb,Really Dumb,Robbers,Stupid,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:36 pm

The second man suspected of stealing a piglet from a Polk County high school turned himself in to deputies Thursday, a sheriff’s spokeswoman said.

sfl-flduh-stole-pig-school-20140925-001Drew Allen Cameron Newman, 20 of Lakeland, was charged with burglary and grand theft of a farm animal, spokeswoman Carrie Horstman said.

Newman and Aaron Douglas Holmes, 19 of Lakeland, allegedly stole the 60-pound piglet from an agriculture barn at George Jenkins High School around 2:40 a.m. on Friday, deputies said Wednesday.

A witness told deputies she was driving around with Holmes and Newman early Friday morning. Holmes, who was driving the woman’s car, drove onto the school’s campus and parked, and the two men told the woman they were “going to get a hog,” deputies said.

They returned to her car with the pig, which they put in her car’s trunk, then drove to Holmes’ truck and moved the animal there, deputies said.

Newman and Holmes did not hold on to the piglet for long, deputies said.

A Lakeland woman found the pig over the weekend and posted a lost-and-found notice on Craigslist. When she saw a news report saying a piglet was missing from the high school, she returned the piglet to its home.

Holmes was arrested Wednesday and charged with burglary and grand theft of a farm animal.


Guess swimming is not the best way to sober up

Filed under: Alcohol,Amazing,Bizzarre,Drunk,DUI,Dumb,Florida Nut,Funny,Unusual,WTF? — floridaduh @ 1:34 pm

Swimming away from a traffic crash may not be the most effective means of escape, but a 24-year-old man appears to have given it a try in Sebastian.

sfl-flduh-swim-avoid-charge-20140925-001The truck ran a stop sign at Indian River Drive, crashing into a guardrail just west of the Indian River.Witnesses told Sebastian police about 1:40 a.m. Sept. 11 that a man identified as Donald Hull was driving a Ford truck east on County Road 512, according to a recently released arrest affidavit.

Hull began to flee on foot and ran into the Indian River, an extremely large body of water. He took off his shirt and swam toward a dock in the 800 block of Indian River Drive.

It’s unclear whether he used the crawl, butterfly or another stroke during the apparent aqueous getaway.

Two witnesses watched Hull as he swam while the third went to the dock.

“The third witness then stood by and observed the defendant swimming around the dock area until law enforcement arrived,” an affidavit states.

Police helped fish Hull out of the water.

Hull, who smelled of booze, first said he’d had a few drinks and was driving on an “unknown road.” He said he had no license, then reported he wasn’t driving and didn’t know how he got there.

Hull declined to participate in field sobriety exercises and declined to take a breath test.

Hull, of the 8800 block of Central Avenue in Micco, was arrested on charges including DUI, driving while license suspended with knowledge and leaving the scene of an accident with property damage.


Mom hid baby in car’s trunk to avoid ticket for not having car seat September 25, 2014

Custody of a 5-month-old boy found in the trunk of a car near Lauderhill may be given to the baby’s father or great-grandmother pending the outcome of a home study, according to the Florida Department of Children and Families.

sfl-flduh-hid-baby-trunk-ticket-20140924-001Broward juvenile dependency Judge Hope Tieman-Bristol made the ruling Wednesday morning. The baby’s mother, Breona Synclair Watkins, 19, attended the hearing in handcuffs.

Watkins was arrested early Tuesday and charged with child abuse, resisting an officer and five traffic-related offenses, including driving without a license and failure to have a child restraint, jail records show.

She is accused of having a 14-year-old boy put the baby in the trunk through an opening in the back seat of the 2005 Dodge Stratus that Watkins was driving. She later told deputies that she did it to avoid getting a ticket for failing to have a child safety seat in the car, according to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

Her grandmother, Laura Richardson, also attended the hearing and told reporters outside the courtroom Wednesday that the episode was a big mistake.

“She got frightened and she did what any child would do because she’s still a child,” Richardson said. “She’s a good mother but she’s still young and she just made a mistake. We all have made mistakes, I’m sure.”

About 1 a.m. Tuesday, a deputy followed Watkins after noticing a headlight was out. The deputy stopped her after about a quarter-mile near the 3100 block of West Sunrise Boulevard, according to the arrest report.

About 15 minutes into the traffic stop, a second deputy heard the baby crying in the trunk, the report stated.

Deputies found the baby lying among plastic bags, garden shears and a large, rusted tire iron. Also surrounding the baby were a used gas can and other hazardous materials. The temperature inside the trunk was significantly warmer than the air outside, deputies said.

The child has been in state foster care since then and was said to be doing well. A guardian ad litem has been appointed to represent the baby’s legal interests while relatives are interviewed for placement, DCF spokeswoman Paige Patterson-Hughes said.

“The court wants that home study completed and if that’s positive then it has to be presented to the guardian ad litem,” she said. “The next step is to have the child moved from foster care to relative care.”

The process typically takes several days.

“They try to get these done pretty quickly,” she said. “There will be supervised visitations permitted.”

The next dependency hearing was scheduled for Oct. 20.

Watkins remained in the Broward Main Jail on Wednesday on a $7,000 bond, jail records showed.


A man named Able sure did raise a lot of Cain during a traffic stop

A 34-year-old Crestview man is accused of threatening to kill a deputy’s family after being arrested for allegedly driving without a valid license.

sfl-flduh-threatened-deputys-family-officers-s-001Larry Joe Able was pulled over on Sept. 12 by Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies for a broken headlight, according to the arrest report. When the deputy asked him for his license, registration and insurance, Able said he didn’t have his license with him.

When the deputy asked if he had a driver’s license, Able replied, “No,” the report said. A check found that Able had three previous convictions for driving while his license was suspended, as well as a current suspension.

Able was arrested, and on the way to jail, because spitting through the cage, according to the report. He “intentionally spit through the cage,” hitting the deputy in the side of the neck twice.

He also began threatening the deputy, telling him, “When I get out of jail, I am going to kill you and your kids,” the report said. He also threatened to make the deputy “pay.”

Able is charged with driving with a suspended license, battery on a law enforcement officer or firefighter and corruption by threat against a public servant.


Man talks to wall …. Does wall talk back? September 24, 2014

Filed under: Alcohol,Bizzarre,Drunk,Dumb,Funny,WTF? — floridaduh @ 2:26 pm

Ever been so drunk you find yourself talking to a wall?

robert_rock_mug2_frontVero Beach police about 7:27 p.m. went to the area of 20th Street and 14th Avenue after an inebriated pedestrian report.That appeared to be the situation for Robert Rock, 51, in Vero Beach, according to a recently released arrest affidavit.

Dispatchers indicated a man “was seen talking to the wall of a building and urinating on the sidewalk,” the affidavit states.

Talk to the wall is not to be confused with “Talk to the hand,” a slang term associated with the 1990s, according to Wikipedia.

“It originated as a contemptuous way of saying one does not want to hear what the person who is speaking is saying,” Wikipedia states. “It is often elongated to a phrase such as, ‘Talk to the hand, because the ears ain’t listening,’ or, ‘Talk to the hand, because the face ain’t listening.’”

It’s also not to be confused with Talk To The Hand, a women’s a capella group that plays in and around the Boston area.

The topic of Rock’s discussion with the wall wasn’t immediately clear.

Meanwhile, as police tried to get information about where Rock lived, he kept walking away and into the road.

Rock, listed as homeless, was arrested on a disorderly intoxication charge.


Victor Nash, 18, Accused Of Choking Out His Teacher Before Raping Her

An 18-year-old student from South Dade Senior High School was arrested Friday after being accused of sexually assaulting a woman two hours after dismissal, school district officials said.

Victor-NashVictor Nash faces charges of attempted felony murder, sexual battery and strong-armed robbery.

Miami-Dade schools police said the woman was not a student, but it happened at the school.

Students told Local 10 News reporter Jen Herrera that the victim was a teacher, but police have not confirmed that at this time.

According to the arrest report, Nash grabbed the woman inside a room on campus and body slammed her to the ground. While the victim struggled with Nash, he allegedly choked her until she passed out.

The report states Nash pulled the woman’s pants and underwear down and had sex with her while she was still unconscious. He then put the used condom in the victim’s purse.

Police said Nash stole the woman’s car keys and was found by police five hours later while driving the victim’s car along Southwest 312th Street and U.S. Highway 1 in Homestead.

The woman gained consciousness after Nash left the scene and notified police.

Detectives said Nash provided a full confession that was recorded.



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